I heard a term today that rocked me to my core. I am living life half-open. I cannot take credit for this term, but when I heard the words, I would’ve rather been hit by a bullet. I have felt that over the last 2 years I have taken a leap to live life fully, for myself, in full awareness and full dedication to finding all the 10’s life has to offer. However, in analyzing further, half-open doesn’t mean half-assed. Half-open….open to absorb all the energies surrounding me and closed to letting them go. In this state, one cannot allow the flow of energy freely, blocking all things that are meant to be.
I was never really taught this principle of letting go in terms of energy. In my nursing career, debriefing was used, but it is reserved for traumas, deaths and unexpected outcomes. This process allows for the sharing of the incident, a safe space to release those feelings of sadness, guilt, etc. In my experience, those feelings just don’t go away. There has always been a fracture, a disconnect and time only dulls that pain. As nurses, we are actually taught to be empathetic and develop the ability to share someone else’s feelings or pain. It is the “thing” that allows for connection in the midst of chaos. When a scared and anxious patient says, “Have you ever had this medication/procedure/disease”, as a caregiver, you want to provide as much trust and reassurance as possible. While long hours, double shifts, sicker patients and less resources lead to burnout, the holding on of all this energy can be added to this list. No matter the environment, one individual cannot catch all of this dis-ease without knowing how to release it and let go.
The concept of energy resonates deeply with me. I have always been very sensitive to the energy around me and the energy of others. It has served me well in that it is something that makes me very good at what I do…no matter what I do. I have struggled with a means to find a way to fill my own energy and compassion tanks in the midst of providing care, whether it be through nursing or management and now yoga. I feel like it is something that I should be more skilled at…the release of this energy in order to heal myself. Over the past 2 years, I have been in the process of releasing. Releasing belongings, disconnecting from friendships, simplifying routines, eliminating excessive exercising and giving up unhealthy habits. Today I recognize that while all of this is good, a life that is OPEN is one of exchange, non-judgment, observation and gratitude.
Author’s disclaimer….I am NOT an expert on this topic. Actually, far from it. I will not give you insight or advice on how to let go in this post as I am just learning and becoming aware of how to do this myself. Awareness is key. Meditation is key. Caring for your SELF is key. Are you living life half open?